Dumbass Independent Award

Dumbass Independent Award

Saturday, April 20, 2013

The Why Of Hate?

Confusion, Sadness, those are emotion that rose within me when I learned of the bombings at the Boston Marathon. What madness drives anyone to destroy the future of so many innocent people and why would anyone be so uncaring about those lives?

I remember how I felt when I saw people jumping to a certain death from the Twin Towers to escape certain death on 9/11. What trigger inside their brains determined leaping to a death smashing into the concrete below would be better than facing the searing destruction of remaining in the building disintegrating around them?

Hate...I fully understand the power of indoctrination.

I was married to a man who spent the entirety of our eleven years together chipping away at my identity, destroying any of my beliefs in who I might think I am because to have any belief in my own worth would mean I might not agree that no one would ever look at me and see someone who possessed any beauty...

...therefore I was so very lucky my husband tolerated me enough to once in a awhile lash me with his bull whip until I bled enough to be lubricated so he could rape me wherever he wanted and give me moments of dubious pleasure.

I should be GRATEFUL his attention tore my flesh beyond repair because at least he gave me love.

Hate...I got away because despite his attempts at brainwashing...somewhere deep inside I knew he was wrong...somewhere deep inside I knew I was me.

I got us out.

Hate...I have justifiable reasons to hate all men. See my ex did not limit his violence against me to just him...oh no...he shared me. I honestly do not know how many he shared me with...so by the rights of the damned I should hate all men...but I have a glorious twist...he also shared me with women...some of the worst pain I endured came from women...women know how to hurt other women better than men do because they know the right spots.

Hate...I should hate EVERYONE! Why don't I.

I've been asked that very question. Why don't I hate all men after what my ex did to me?

My answer is simple. Why should I hate everyone for the deeds of few? Yes a lot did unspeakable things to me...things I will never recover fully from...but in the overall scheme of things, they really are only a few.

I sit here on planet earth one of God's children among many of His children. Yes they are misguided children, and they are in need of God's mercy, but there are others, good, loving, caring children, who are like me, confused by the violence, hurt by the rage, saddened by the misery, and disheartened by YOUNG children... YOUNG CHILDREN being so angry THEY resort to bombing innocent people.

If I do not hate after all I've been through...what could possibly drive children to commit such an act of extreme violence.

My heart bleeds...

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