To Robin Williams

There But For the Grace of God..and thankfully I have received that Grace: Now it's your turn. 

But let me tell you MY odd tale.

Several Years Ago I had quite a lot of surgeries to repair some of the damage done to me by my ex-husband. I KNOW depression...I have heard its voice inside me many times since I escaped from a marriage my ex fashioned in a hell I never wish to revisit.

I don't respond well to general anesthesia...the fact is I went into cardiac arrest and died on the table, a time or two...at least.

What I experienced during some of those..."light's out in the old ticker," has made me know I will be more than ready when it is my time to go home, and stay.

I was given a choice in my last one. I wrote about it in my short paranormal book LIFE'S JOURNEY. This is a 99.9% true story.

This was not my first trip beyond the veil. 

I was four when I drowned. Four year old's know no fear, so I just bravely walked out into the lake, not realizing speed boats further out would be sending me waves strong enough to lift my little body and submerge it..letting child-like panic settle in. 

When they found my floating body and got the water out of me they delivered my weary little body to my mother's arms. Years later she told me I looked up at her and said, "Mommy, I was flying with the angels. I called your name, but you didn't come."

My best NDE...Near Death Experience happened when I was 34...like Robin Williams I am on the cusp of turning 63...on December 12th. 

I "awoke" while my body was in full blown cardiac arrest, and I was nestled in God's Arms. 

I know there are those who say if you see God's face you die...well I was already dead...but I never saw God's face...I was in His arms surrounded by wave after wave after wave of unconditional love washing over me and such peace.

For the first time in my life I knew I had a Father who loved me. I deserved being loved, and despite the things my ex did to me, I was still precious to Him...My Father, and not tainted beyond value by the scars I carry...some very easy to see...some implanted on my soul.

I know, at this moment, My Father is encompassing Robin William's battered spirit in that same sea of His Unconditional Love for Robin, His very troubled Son. 

"Robin heal well.  Soak up the unswerving sea of love up there with Dad, and know we are all sending our love your way too."

Okay before the naysayers chime in...I know the theory about what happened to me has to do with lack of oxygen to the brain during those moments in time. 

I don't care. 

I know what I felt before and how I feel now. If it's a delusion, it's a delusion I'll happily continue holding deep inside me for the rest of my flesh life and beyond.

LIFE' JOURNEY is a short book that tells the story about what I experienced during my second Near Death Experience and is available in e-book at Muse It Up Publishing right now at the link above for $0.99.

100% of my royalties for this book for the remainder of of 2014 will be donated to Suicide Prevention/and Help Lines in Robin Williams' Name.

Robin, I truly wish I could do more.

Suicide Prevention If you or someone you know has ongoing thoughts of death or suicide—or if a suicide attempt has been made—contact a doctor go to a hospital emergency room immediately or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). If you or someone you know is living with depression or bipolar disorder, you understand all too well that the symptoms may include feelings of sadness and hopelessness. These feelings can also include thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Whether we have suicidal thoughts ourselves, or know a severely depressed person who does, there are ways that we can respond with strength and courage. Understanding Suicidal Thinking The most important thing to remember about suicidal thoughts is that they are symptoms of a treatable illness associated with fluctuations in the body's and brain's chemistry. They are not character flaws or signs of personal weakness, nor are they conditions that will just go away on their own. Depression and the depressive phase of bipolar disorder may cause symptoms such as the following: intense sadness hopelessness lethargy loss of appetite disruption of sleep decreased ability to perform usual tasks loss of interest in once-pleasurable activities Taken together, these symptoms may lead someone to consider suicide. However, with proper treatment, the majority of people do feel better and regain hope. Recovery is possible! During severe depression, the systems that regulate emotion become disturbed. People in the middle of a severe depression often think only of things that are dark and sad. Physicians refer to this as "selective memory"—only remembering the bad times or the disappointments in life. This type of thinking is a symptom of the illness; it does not define who the person is. And with proper treatment, the individual will start to remember the good times and develop a more positive outlook. The following two agencies deal Nationally here in the United States with Suicide Prevention.

Thank you for reading this and helping me honor a GREAT genius the only way I can...with YOUR Help.

Direct Link to Muse It Up Publishing's BUY PAGE for this book

Direct Link to Amazon.com's BUY PAGE for this book